i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
