After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
