things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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