Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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