and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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