if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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