dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
