my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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