why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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