i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
