We're facebook friends in real life
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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