the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
