at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
