I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize