did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I think my fart just growled at me.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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