Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
