So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
thus making me awesome and them whores
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
