Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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