The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
