my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
