Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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