Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize