i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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