I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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