Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
