I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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