Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
