Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oh god it's open bar.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
