Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
