I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
