I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
