so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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