About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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