so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
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