i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dick very happy bro
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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