now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
