you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
