I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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