I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
