Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
now i know why i became what i already was.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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