It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
