so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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