everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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