I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
