I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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