first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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