I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
