I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
