You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
