he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
