Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
