you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
