my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
