he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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