I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
