a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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