I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
