last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
