the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
How's work?
Spinning.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
third nipple confirmed
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
