I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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