We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
