friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
