Already got asked if we're dating
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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