I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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