i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's no shave November. This is our time.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
