Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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