Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
