Don't you send me to vm
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
