dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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