When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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