Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
You smell like stripper and shame
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
