Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
