i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
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