I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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