After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Fuck appropriateness.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
