some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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