why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
