youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
