my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
