You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
